Surrogacy for female same-sex parents

We work with a small number of lesbian couples building their families through surrogacy (we say female same-sex couples to be clear we are talking about relationship status rather than sexual orientation). Brilliant Beginnings and our sibling organisation NGA Law have together been at the forefront of championing LGBTQ+ parents for many years. We helped win legal equality for same-sex parents in 2008, and are passionate about supporting all kinds of families.

Is surrogacy the right way forward for us?

Surrogacy is an option for female same-sex couples if neither of you is able to carry a pregnancy and you need the help of another woman to carry your child. Surrogacy isn’t common for female same-sex parents, but it isn’t unheard of and if you are considering surrogacy you aren’t alone. (For clarity, surrogacy is where someone else carries your child without intending to be a parent – if one of you is carrying the other’s biological child and you both plan to be parents, this is reciprocal IVF or co-maternity rather than surrogacy).

Whether surrogacy is the right way forward for you is an immensely personal question. You might be considering whether to continue trying to get pregnant if you have been trying unsuccessfully.  You might be considering surrogacy alongside other alternative family-building paths, such as adoption.  It is important to take the time you need, and to access the right information and support, to make a clear and settled decision.

How will our child feel about being born through surrogacy?

This is a question many same-sex parents think about, whether they are conceiving through surrogacy or another route. Research into outcomes for children born into non-traditional families shows that what matters to children is the quality of their parental relationships rather than the number or gender of their parents.  Read more about research on surrogacy and non-traditional families. 

It is, however, important to think about the long term implications and be prepared to talk to your child about how they came into the world, and if possible to keep a connection with your surrogate and sperm donor for your child in the future. 

How does surrogacy work for female same-sex parents?

You may be planning to transfer an embryo created with eggs from one of you (and donor sperm) to a gestational surrogate.  If either of you is transgender you might also be able to provide you own sperm. Alternatively you may need the help of an egg and sperm donor as well as a surrogate to conceive a child through surrogacy.  From a UK legal perspective, if neither of you is able to use your own gametes this will have significant implications in terms of your surrogacy options.  We would recommend seeking early legal advice and our sister organisation NGA Law can help you.

Should we stay in the UK or go overseas for surrogacy?

This is one of the most important early questions to explore.  About half of UK parents through surrogacy conceive with the help of a UK surrogate while the other half choose international surrogacy (usually in the USA).  The right decision for you will depend on your timescale, budget, attitude to risk and the kind of surrogacy journey you are hoping for.