How do I talk to my friends and family about becoming a parent through surrogacy?

Being able to talk comfortably about your journey to friends and family will ensure they can offer support when you need it. There may be some people you want to involve in your surrogacy journey from the earliest stages of your planning, and others you want to tell further down the line.  You may also be thinking about how to manage any negativity from those who may not understand surrogacy or may not be supportive (although they may surprise you). Of course if your surrogate is a family member, then this is a process you may need to consider together.

In time, your child or children will benefit from others understanding what you went through to complete your family. Being well informed and speaking openly and honestly about surrogacy to others will help to normalise it so that your child has a positive and honest story to tell about their conception as they grow up.

Who should I tell?


Of course everyone’s relationships are personal, so think about who in your support network you want to be involved at what stage.  A surrogacy journey can be incredible and full of happiness and love. It can also be long, exhausting, emotional and challenging. It may be unlike anything else you ever experience, and sharing your journey with those closest to you will allow them to share in your joy as well as to support you through any challenges.


Research and understand your options


There are lots of different ways to pursue a surrogacy journey, both in the UK and abroad, so if your friends or family have not been involved in your early decision-making, it will help you feel confident in talking to them if you yourself are clear about why you have decided on the route which is right for you. Taking legal advice will also help you to understand UK surrogacy law, which may help stand you in good stead when people ask if you have considered everything.


Share the news


Surrogacy can still feel a bit taboo for some people, particularly those who have only been exposed to stories on the television or social media, which can often be sensationalised or misreported. Armed with your research about safe and ethical routes to surrogacy, you should feel confident sharing your choices. Start your conversation on a positive note, saying something similar to “I have some exciting news!” which will help set the tone.


Be prepared for some questions


Some people will feel an urge to ask personal questions once you open a conversation about surrogacy. It is of course up to you whether you answer these or not, but try to remember that most people are well meaning and may simply be curious about something they do not know much about.


What if my friends and family ask questions I can’t answer?


There are lots of organisations that can offer help and advice to friends and family of intended parents pursuing surrogacy. At Brilliant Beginnings, we are always happy to speak to those closest to you to help them understand who we are, how we work and how we are supporting you.


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