How to look after your US surrogate – Top tips for UK intended parents

Embarking on an international surrogacy journey as UK intended parents with a surrogate in the US is both exciting and complex.

Brilliant Beginnings will guide you in the best agency for your circumstance. It’s predominantly the agency that will aid you in navigating the process smoothly. Supporting and caring for your surrogate remains a vital aspect of this life-changing journey.

Here’s a few tips on how you can ensure your US surrogate feels valued and supported throughout the process.

Clear communication

Effective communication is essential, especially with geographical and time-zone differences.

• Respect time differences: Establish a communication routine that works for both of you, considering the 5–8-hour time difference between the UK and the US.
• Use technology: Stay connected through tools like Zoom or WhatsApp for video calls and updates. Regular check-ins will help strengthen your relationship.
• Cultural awareness: Be mindful of cultural differences in healthcare and communication. Your surrogate’s approach to pregnancy may differ slightly from your own, and understanding these differences will help foster respect. The agency as well as Brilliant Beginnings will be able to give great support with this to ensure you understand the differences before you even fully match.

Leverage the agency’s expertise

Your surrogacy agency will manage much of the logistics and provide emotional and practical support to both parties.

• Trust their guidance: Agencies handle legal, medical, and financial aspects, by coordinating with all involved; reducing the burden on you and your surrogate. Let them handle the administrative tasks while you focus on building a positive relationship with her.
• Extra thoughts: You can ask the agency to provide additional gifts, for her or her children’s birthdays, or perhaps pregnancy massage etc to help her feel you’re thinking of her.

Be present

Although there’ll be distance between you:

• Attend appointments virtually: Even though you’re not physically present, you can attend important medical appointments virtually to stay informed and involved in the process. Given how well-established surrogacy is, it’s very common for intended parents to attend appointment virtually.
• Timely payments: Make sure the agency promptly handles all pregnancy-related expenses, from medical bills and travel to supplements. This will help reduce stress for your surrogate. Escrow accounts will typically be set up right at the start to support the ease of this.

Respect her boundaries

Even with an international surrogacy arrangement, respecting your surrogate’s autonomy is vital.

• Balance communication: While regular updates are important, respect her boundaries when it comes to the frequency of interaction.

Be thoughtful post-birth

Your surrogacy journey doesn’t end at birth; it’s important to show gratitude and offer emotional closure for both her and her children, especially if they’re younger.

• Express your thanks: After the birth, let your surrogate know how much you appreciate her role in helping build your family. Thoughtful gestures, like a heartfelt letter or a small gift, can go a long way.
• Respect her recovery: Childbirth is taxing, and your surrogate will need time to recover. Ensure the agency offers her any necessary post-birth support.

Respect her boundaries

Even with an international surrogacy arrangement, respecting your surrogate’s autonomy is vital.

• Balance communication: While regular updates are important, respect her boundaries when it comes to the frequency of interaction.

Conclusion

As UK intended parents, caring for your US surrogate requires thoughtful communication, emotional and financial support, and respect. With the help of a surrogacy agency, you can navigate the complexities and build a meaningful relationship that honours her incredible contribution to your family.