Should I become a surrogate?

Becoming a surrogate can be an incredibly rewarding experience. You will be changing family lives forever, creating parents as well as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. However, being a surrogate is also a long and emotional process which requires patience and resilience. Being a surrogate is not right for every woman, so take time to work out if it is right for you and your family.

In this advice article, we answer some of the key questions that women ask when considering becoming a surrogate.

What do I want to get out of being a surrogate?

Think carefully about why you want to become a surrogate, and the kind of journey and relationship with your intended parents you want to have. It is not selfish to be honest about your preferences so that you find the best possible match and manage your journey in a way which works for you.

There are lots of reasons surrogates give for why they chose to do it and what they get from it.

Read about their motivations.

 

What impact will the surrogacy process have on my family?

Surrogacy can be incredibly rewarding for surrogates and their families, creating special bonds between two families and enabling surrogates to show their own children the power of helping someone else.

Being a surrogate is also an enormous commitment which will absorb a significant amount of your personal time and energy over a likely two year period. It is important to make sure that you know what the process involves, that you are prepared for the commitment, and that this is right for you and your family.

 

Is surrogacy safe for me?

You should only become a surrogate if your physical and mental health will not be put at unacceptable risk. While parents who conceive through surrogacy usually have no other choice, surrogacy is voluntary for surrogates.

Surrogacy carries the same health risks as any pregnancy, such as morning sickness, soreness and general discomfort. There are also additional health effects from the medications needed as part of the fertility treatment process.

There is of course risk in any pregnancy, but no surrogate should open herself to an unacceptable level of risk of physical or mental health complications. Being in poor health or having a history of significant postnatal depression or pregnancy complications mean that surrogacy may be unsafe for you.

 

What impact will surrogacy have on me and my body?

Generally, surrogacy will have the same effects on your body as a traditional pregnancy and will involve the same medical risks such as nausea, heartburn, weight gain and back pain as well as more serious but rare complications.

Some surrogates may experience minor side effects if they are on a medicated cycle such as mild bruising or swelling at injection sites, as well as emotional changes due to the hormones involved in the treatment. These are typically only for a short period of time and don’t affect everyone.

To help minimise the risks to prospective surrogates, your clinic will carry out extensive testing and screening to make sure that you are healthy and ready to carry a surrogacy pregnancy.

 

Should I be a gestational surrogate or a traditional surrogate?

Choosing whether to be a traditional or gestational surrogate is a very personal decision. Only you can decide what is right for you.

As a gestational surrogate you will have no biological connection with the child you carry, which some surrogates find important in terms of how they conceptualise the surrogacy process and family dynamics. As a gestational surrogate you will need to have treatment at a fertility clinic to conceive.

As a traditional surrogate you will be biologically related to the child you carry, so think carefully about whether you feel comfortable with the long-term implications for you and your family. However, conception may be a less medicalised process if you conceive through home insemination.

 

What does the fertility treatment process involve for surrogates?

There are a number of steps to the fertility treatment process, from initial health assessments to ensure it is safe for you to carry a pregnancy, to medication to support embryo transfer, to regular checkups at every stage until birth.

 

Fertility treatment plans differ depending on if you are a traditional or gestational surrogate

If you are not a traditional surrogate conceiving at home, you will need to have an embryo transferred to your uterus at a fertility clinic. There are a few different options available when it comes to fertility treatment and it is important to discuss these options with your fertility clinic, your intended parents and your partner/main supporter. You can opt for a medicated cycle, natural cycle or some clinics offer a combination called a modified-natural cycle.

A medicated treatment plan will involve you taking medication to regulate your cycle and attending a fertility clinic for regular scans and blood tests, leading up to the transfer of the embryo. The medication is typically a combination of injections, patches, tablets or pessaries. Your doctor will have a meeting with you to discuss what your individual plan looks like and will have a nurse talk you through what medication to take, when to take it, how to store it and also how to take it too.

A natural treatment plan will involve you keeping track of your cycle through ovulation testing strips, blood tests and scans. The scans and blood tests can often be more frequent in the lead up to ovulation so that your doctor can track the changes in your hormone levels and once the surge in hormones is detected, you will need to go for embryo transfer on the date stipulated by the clinic. There is often less medication involved, but more frequent blood tests and trips to your clinic for scans which can be time consuming.

A modified natural treatment plan is a combination of the two plans. It will typically involve less medication, and you will attend the clinic for a scan to check your lining thickness around 10 days after the first day of your period. If your lining is thick enough (7-8mm but varies between clinics) you will then have a trigger injection and have embryo transfer around 5 days later

It may take 2-3 cycles or more of treatment for you to get pregnant.

Find out more about the fertility treatment process.

 

What is the downside of surrogacy for surrogates?

All potential surrogates enter into surrogacy with the best of hopes and intentions. Being a surrogate is a physically demanding process that requires multiple clinic appointments, testing, treatments and can be emotionally challenging too. It may take 2-3 cycles, or sometimes more to achieve a pregnancy, which as well as being physically demanding is also time consuming.

With each transfer attempt, there is the risk of it not working which adds to the emotional toll on everyone. There is also the risk of miscarriage or loss, as with any pregnancy, and not always something that a surrogate has experienced during her own conception and pregnancy history. It is important to bear in mind that there could be many ups and downs in your journey and to seek support from those around you and professionals if needed.

 

What support will I need as a surrogate?

Support for surrogates can have many arms, from personal support from family and friends to professional support from agencies and organisations.

It is important to be honest about what support you will need, both personally (in your relationship, if you have one, and from your friends and family) and from the professionals you are working with in the surrogacy process.

If you choose to be an independent surrogate, you will have more responsibility to navigate the process yourself. A community support organisation will give you access to a wide range of peer support and guidance through the process, although you will still manage a lot of the process yourself (including finding intended parents you want to match with).

As the UK’s only professional surrogacy agency offering a fully managed service, Brilliant Beginnings supports surrogates step by step, helping you get prepared and verify that surrogacy is right for you, matching you with like-minded intended parents and making sure you are cared for throughout your journey.

You may also like to join our closed Facebook group for surrogates, which is for women who have already been surrogates or are thinking about becoming one. Many of them will be happy to share their experiences.