Surrogacy for male same-sex parents

Brilliant Beginnings has been at the forefront of championing LGBT+ parents for many years, and helped win legal recognition for same-sex parents conceiving together through surrogacy and donation in 2008.  We have helped many gay dads to become parents and know that those starting out often have lots of questions.

What are our options for having a family as a gay couple?  Should we adopt or have a child through surrogacy?

You may be considering surrogacy alongside other options like adoption and co-parenting, both of which are also good ways of creating a family but very different, both in process and outcome.  With surrogacy, you will have a genetic connection with your child.  You will also care for him or her from birth, and will not share parenting with anyone else.  It is sensible to take your time and be honest with yourselves about your preferences and what you want your family to look like.

Is it fair for gay dads to conceive a child without a mother?  Will our child be bullied?

Research into long-term outcomes shows that children born through surrogacy to same-sex parents do very well.  What matters to children is the quality of their parental relationships rather than the number or gender of their parents.  Read more about research on surrogacy and non-traditional families.

It is important to be prepared to talk to your child about how they came into the world, to make sure that they have a positive sense of identity, and if possible to keep a connection with your surrogate and any egg donor.  

You will also need to be prepared to talk to others, both those in your family and friends support network and people in the wider world.  

How does surrogacy work for gay couples?

You will need to decide which of you will be your child’s biological father.  Some couples find that the genetic connection is more important to one partner than the other, while others plan to have more than one child with them each being a biological parent.

You will also need to understand how the conception process works and think about who will provide the eggs to conceive your child (unless one of you is transgender and able to provide your own eggs).  You can either create embryos with donated eggs at a fertility clinic which are then transferred to a gestational surrogate, or you can match with a traditional surrogate who will provide eggs as well as carrying your child.  It is important to think through what is right for you, as well as the long term implications for your child in respect of the information you have about your donor.

Should we stay in the UK or go overseas for surrogacy?

This is one of the most important early questions to explore, although do bear in mind that if you are considering traditional surrogacy this is generally only available in the UK.  About half the UK parents who conceive through surrogacy do so in the UK and the others go overseas (mainly to the USA).  The right decision for you will depend on your timescale, budget, attitude to risk and the kind of surrogacy journey you are hoping for.

Where do we start?

Surrogacy is a big decision, and something you need to feel prepared for.  Browse our Knowledge Centre or contact us to arrange a personal Surrogacy Consultation.