The longest journeys start with small steps

We had been discussing starting a family together for as long as we could remember. We always knew that whichever route we took, it would be a big decision and potentially a long road. The internet can be a wonderful place, but it can also be full of an overwhelming amount of information – some of it contradictory. This is a why a surrogacy consultation with Gemma from Brilliant Beginnings helped bring some much needed clarity. She talked us through the reality of surrogacy and all of the options available to us. We felt safe to ask all the questions that we really wanted to know – what were the realistic prospects of finding a surrogate closer to home? What were the differences between pathways in the UK, Canada and the US? And most importantly – how much would everything cost.

We settled on pursuing a US pathway – being attracted to how established and well-regulated the process was. This gave us a stronger sense of security and greater certainty over timelines, which was important to us as a couple. We felt that having UK support through Brilliant Beginnings was essential, as selecting a fertility clinic, legal representation and surrogacy agency in the US are the kind of big decisions where you need someone by your side to help you weigh up pro’s and cons, and give you firsthand reviews of how different partners are to deal with.

Nine months after our first call with Brilliant Beginnings we were in New York, creating our embryos. This was the first time in our journey where things started to feel ‘real’. Our US agency connected us with their egg donor database. We received so much support in both the UK and US on how to navigate all the complex feelings around making such a big decision. Working with people with the right level of emotional intelligence really helped us to evolve our thinking, so that we made the right decisions about the life-long tie our children would have to our donor.

 After a six month wait, we were matched with a surrogate and things went from “hurry up!” to “whoa, this is moving fast!” very quickly. Our US agency took care to make sure that we matched with a surrogate who was the right fit in terms of personality. During our introduction, we were struck by how she spoke about her desire to help other families achieve the joy that her own children had brought her. Our US agency was able to facilitate a great conversation about what kind of contact we would like during the pregnancy and long after, and having them there allowed us to sensitively navigate these topics and lay a great foundation for our relationship to develop.

 After we mutually agreed to a match, before long we were in the trenches of contracts, US court documents and the most complicated topic of all – US health insurance. Brilliant Beginnings and their legal counterparts, NGA Law, really helped translate the dense language and lengthy documents that were being shared on what felt like a daily basis. This helped us feel comfortable in making the right choices so that we had the headspace to focus on what really mattered – our upcoming embryo transfer.

We received a positive pregnancy test almost two years to the day after our first meeting with Brilliant Beginnings – we could not believe how lucky we were to have a successful transfer on the first attempt. Our surrogate helped build the excitement with us through regular updates and a trip to share the 20 week scan. During this trip, our relationship with her really solidifed, as we got to spend time with her, her family and build so many great memories as we explored the local area.

Throughout the pregancy, our US agency was excellent at providing continuous support for our surrogate, with regular check-ins and ideas for organic ways for us as intended parents to feel close to the journey.

The months passed quickly as we eagerly awaited the arrival of our daughter. Before we knew it, we were holding her in our arms – the culmination of many years of dreaming and the hard work and generosity of countless people on both sides of the Atlantic. We spent almost a month in the US – arriving in anticipation of the birth and staying until we received a passport so that we could fly her home. We were anxious about being apart from family and friends for so long – but being away in a bubble together gave us so many special moments as a family of three that looking back now, we wouldn’t trade for anything.

Upon returning to the UK, we had our domestic legal system to navigate to make sure our daughter was recognised as our child and as a British citizen. NGA Law helped us every step of the way – providing essential support as the sleep deprivation began to hit this pair of new Dads.

Starting a journey like this can be scary, but with the right people by your side, it can also be really special. Our daughter will always know how wanted she was and that her Dads would cross an ocean to bring her into the world. She will forever know the kindness of the women who brought her to us.

Our advice to everyone thinking about going on this journey is to take it step-by-step – every day brings you closer to your dream of expanding your family and if you do it the right way, everything you have learned will mean that you will start your life as a parent with so much gratitude and wonder.